New/Renew

I find myself always in a struggle with..............myself! I can seem so determined, so confident, so sure of what I say and do until........I think about it. Doubts, questions, fear, they all creep into my head and I wonder, did I truly say the right thing, did I do what was best?

This Christmas was probably right up there with the best Christmas ever. Why? I really reflect back and ask why to get to the root of the answer to that question. It was a combination of a variety of things.

1. Christmas Eve: My parents were both there. Dad was NOT wasted. Big John came. Ken was not an asshole to Demi. ALL my children were there. Christopher and Anne were there and so kind and fun. And the announcement that Kelli and Ryan were expecting! You just simply can't get any better than that! There was really a whole lot of good this Christmas Eve. Even the bad turned to good. The situation of Lynne coming tanked with Kasie after bowling was ugly, but motivating to confront. I had the opportunity to share truth and confront. Chrystal was able to see and experience pain yet love with confronting. I was able to connect with Pat and his kids like I never had before. It was truly a Christmas miracle.

2. Christmas Day: John worked. Sad, but maybe for the best. Demi and I went to Tyler's house, I left to go to Pat's to confront Cupcake. What a day. Nick, Pat, Debbie and Kalli were incredible. Lynne finally accepted the gift of rehab/detox at Brighton! Beyond that, she asked about God! You seriously can't get any better than that! I pray hard now, I beg God to make this the moment of lifechange for everyone at hand! God is moving!!!!!

3. The Day after Christmas: All my kids, and Tyler. Day after Christmas, all day, no interruptions, no fights, lots of laughs, fun, games, naps and more! Nerf gun wars, food and more. It was sheer heaven for me. I love my kids more than anyone could ever know, but most important to me is I love to see them grow, love and experience true joy. I pray that Jesus becomes a pivotal part of their lives. Lord, invade all of their hearts.

My husband? The solid rock in all of this! He truly is. He has been from day one and will continue to be. I am blessed, blessed beyond all measure! I have incredible kids with incredible spouses and ones who love them and their kids.........beautiful! We are provided for, taken care of, accepted and forgiven by the most amazing God ever! NOTHING else matters.

Why was it the best Christmas ever? Peace and joy..........peace and joy!

When I doubt myself, wonder if I did the right thing or said the right words with Lynne, my kids, my brother, my husband.............I must stop and remind myself that truth and love are always the best solutions. There was a TON of truth this Christmas and certainly a TON of love!

I love you Jesus!